New development

Hi everyone who reads this (if anyone reads this!) - - -

I have begun several different series of tests to determine why I have been having miscarriages. Two weeks after the D&C, the tissue was grown in a lab and showed that there were no genetic abnormalities with the tissues. This basically means no down syndrome issues or other genetic malfunctions. Next, 6 viles of blood were taken from me and 2 from Chris. We have yet to receive some of the panel of bloodwork back but as soon as we hear back - I'll keep everyone posted. I had a procedure done on Tuesday known as a Water Ultrasound. A catheter was placed into my uterus and a routin ultrasound was performed by a nurse. They found that I had a fist sized uterine polyp. Polyps in the uterine lining are not cancerous or even pre-cancerous. I will have surgery (a lot like the D&C) in a couple of weeks to have it removed. The doctor asked that I continue to use birth control methods until 1 menstrual cycle after the surgery - then we can try to conceive again. Chris and I are still in discuss of what we want to do...not exactly sure.

Here is some more info on polyps:

A polyp is an overgrowth of tissue in the lining (endometrium) of the uterus. The concept is similar to that of a skin tag - basically normal tissue, but growing in an abnormal formation.

Many polyps are very small (a few millimeters in diameter) and do not represent a compromise to reproductive capabilities. However, large polyps - or multiple polyps - can interfere with reproduction by causing infertility, or by increasing risks for miscarriage.

Nothing new going on...

...but all is well

Nursing

Completely unrelated topic to what the blog is about...but its a blog - and I feel like writing. Yesterday I attended the wedding of my two good friends Steve and Jenn. While sitting at our corner table with a few of our dancing friends we started to talk about school and jobs. Jenn is an RN who absolutely loves her job and is damn good at it I'm sure. She is one of the reasons I chose to go into nursing - she is definitely an inspiration! Two other people at the table, Chris who is in his 40's and Tracy who is in her late 20's are also nurses. They both attended Goodwin College as well (the school I will be attending). Tracy was talking about how VERY expensive it was to attend school there and Chris was talking about how Goodwin may lose their accreditation due to the lack of nursing students passing their exams. How AWFUL would it be if I completed all of my courses then they lost accreditation?! I wouldn't be able to find a job and I would be stuck with hellish student loans. This has definitely got me second guessing a lot of things. I think I will call or e-mail the college counselors tomorrow to see if they honestly believe this will go into affect. I have about 2 weeks to drop all of my courses and get a refund of my loan (I hope) so I need to find out soon. I could always look into attending other colleges that are further away from me but will remain accredited. This is definitely a HUGE commitment and I don't want to leave Chris and I in heavy debt - especially since I am no longer working. A lot to consider in a short amount of time.

I know with me no longer working I can make school a priority. I'm nervous about going back, of course, but I have the motivation to do very well in the classes and I am definitely a lot more mature and head strong than I was when I was in college the first time around.

Hopefully I can work all of this out in the next week - I hope I can remain at Goodwin and their accreditation  will remain. This is definitely going to give me a stress ulcer...

Good News So Far!!!

So today was my post op doctors visit with Dr. Shaneyfelt. It appears that although I had some concerns (because I was lifting and being active WAY too soon) I have nothing to worry about. Everything healed properly and everything looks great! I am being sent to get blood drawn to test for blood clot disorders as well as the hubby and I are being tested for chromosomal abnormalities. I will also be getting what is called a water ultrasound to check my uterus out. They put a nice catheter in my uterus, fill it with water and check things out. Not looking forward to it - but if it rules out any issues, I'm happy to do it. My doctor kept reiterating that she thinks both miscarriages were a fluke. As she had said before, 60% of women go on to have a healthy baby after a second miscarriage. She believes that there is nothing wrong with me but it can't hurt to get tested for any issues. I may begin taking progesterone if I get pregnant again to help aide in the pregnancy. I'll be getting the blood drawn Thursday and ultrasound on the 19th so I will update what they find after those tests have been completed. I'm hoping that there is nothing wrong with Chris or myself and we can go on to have a normal pregnancy - but honestly, there is nothing we can do about it so no sense in worrying about it....easier said than done! Am I right?!

I know if we go on to have a healthy pregnancy we will cherish this child more so because of the struggle we had to go through to conceive, but I often think about those who struggle for YEARS to have children and do not succeed. I hope to one day have those people's strength.

Doctor Appointment Tomorrow

Just a quick update: I am meeting with my doctor tomorrow for a post op visit. I'm not sure if they have the results from the genetics lab yet but I will definitely be looking into it. I have a lot of questions to ask the doctor at tomorrow's visit (poor lady) :0)

I'll update with what I know.

A Down Day

We all have them, days we just want to fast forward through. Today is one of those days for me. I feel like I am stuck in a sort of limbo. I'm unable to exercise, unable to lift things (which I need to do a lot of things around the house), I'm exhausted all day and have a difficult time getting out of bed due to the medication and I'm suffering from severe cramps a couple of times throughout the day. I feel lazy. I feel like a bum and there is nothing I can do about it at this time. I still have another week before I can start being active again. I'm really looking forward to being able to play softball, go outside and run around with my dog and begin to get healthy by exercising. I guess I'm just in a rut for the last couple of days. I ordered my school books yesterday and now I'm beginning to get a bit nervous about going back to school. Because I quit working to attend classes I have no excuse to get anything but A's in all of my classes. I have no more distractions - I need to do well in school so I can make the Nursing Program on my first attempt in the Spring. I've also been spending a lot of time alone watching Law and Order: SVU. Probably not the best show to be watching. There are always characters with babies and individuals losing their babies or throwing them out. I'm also unable to watch a show that I became very fond of: One Born Every Minute. I find myself getting more depressed thinking about even watching the show. Hopefully I can get over that soon because it really is an informative show to watch. Again, this is me being impatient. I don't enjoy the waiting game and I'm not very good at it. I just want to figure out what the heck is wrong with my body and it will be a couple more weeks before I find anything out.

Oh Happy Day...For Someone Else

Today I am feeling angry, upset, confused, sad and joyful. A lot of different emotions to be feeling at one time. I had a difficult time falling asleep last night because I was thinking of a friend and his situation. Today, an old friend of mine is having a baby. The due date is tomorrow but they decided to induce labor today since the mother has been dilated for a couple of days now. I feel happy for my dear friend who is bringing a child into this world, but I'm also very upset and confused. See, my friend and his girlfriend are not married. They are not even living together at the moment. He tells me they fight constantly and they don't trust each other for good reasons. Yet, they have been blessed to have a child. This will be the first child for my friend (29) and the third child for his girlfriend (23). I believe I am more confused than jealous or upset. Why is it that a couple who had no plans for a child and is not ready to bring a child into this world financially has been blessed with one? Why is it that Chris and I, who are emotionally and financially ready to have a child are unable to successfully have one? I know the saying, "its not fair...well, life is not fair" is true - but it doesn't make it suck any less. There are so many teen moms (as seen on 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom 1 and 2) that are having children because of a lapse in judgment. They are able to easily conceive and have a child, while there are thousands of us out there who are willing but unable to have a child. All my life I thought about when I would get married and have kids. In the back of my mind, I honestly believed that I would have issues having a child. I didn't know I was actually right. I know there are plenty of couples in the world who are going through the same thing as us. Many couples have tried for decades to have a child through many different methods. I'm not looking for sympathy. We have only been trying for a couple of months now. But we keep having these false hopes and let downs while other individuals seem to easily be having children. I'm sure our time will come to be parents at some point, whether we adopt or have a child of our own. The waiting game is a difficult one though.

Don't get me wrong, I wish my friend and his girlfriend a lifetime of blessings, happiness and joy. I'm sure they will both make wonderful parents. But I hope they realize just how lucky they truly are and what a blessing they have on the way today. Best of luck to baby Andrew and his parents!