As many of you know, Chris and I suffered a miscarriage this month. What many of you may not know is that this isn't the first time. My husband and I knew when we got married that we wanted to have children...2, maybe 3. I had gone back and forth after our June 26, 2009 wedding on when I wanted to conceive. I must have drove Chris CRAZY because each week I wanted a different thing. First, I wanted to have kids right away. The next week, I wanted to lose more weight before we began having children. The week after that, I wanted to have kids and then a month later I wanted to wait until we were financially stable and we had moved into a house with enough room for a child to grow in. It wasn't until more than a year later that we decided to let nature run its course and "see what happens." By this time, I was no longer taking birth control pills and I secretly began using iphone apps to see when I would start ovulating. I say "secretly" but it was no secret - Chris just didn't want the "mood" to be ruined with me screaming out I'M OVULATING...so I kept it to myself. In September of 2010, I found out I was pregnant. My first instinct after only missing my period by 10 hours or so, was to buy a three pack of pregnancy tests. I was at work at the time and asked a co-worker/friend to go with me to CVS. I was terribly nervous to take the test but she assured me that no matter the outcome everything would be alright. I took the test as soon as I got back to work and I was SHOCKED to see that it was positive. I had never seen a positive test in my life, I reread the instructions over and over again to make sure I was doing it correctly. I decided to call Chris so I went outside the building and made the phone call. "Chris, how much do you love me?" His response, "a lot, why?" Then I told him I was pregnant. You could hear the sheer joy in his voice..he was ecstatic - I was happy/confused/nervous/scared/elated. I didn't know what I was feeling at the time. I ran back into the office and told my friend the results - she jumped up and down for joy and thats when it hit me, this was a good thing - something I wanted! Not believing the test, an hour later I took another one....Positive results.
If I remember correctly my parents were out looking at cars or out doing something at the time when I called to tell them the news. "Umm, you're going to be grandparents." You could tell my parents were also very excited - but busy, so I got off the phone with them. I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day. I ended up taking THREE more tests just to be sure and all said POSITIVE. I wasn't happy with my current OB/GYN's nursing staff so I asked around the office to some close co-workers who had several young children who they went to. I changed my OB/GYN to CT Multispecialty Group with offices all over CT. I am very happy with the customer service and professionalism of the entire team in all the offices I have visited. I was petrified to go to my first ultrasound. I went at around 6 weeks to the Bloomfield office. After getting the internal ultrasound done we were sent back into the waiting room. You could tell Chris was upset with me that I wasn't more excited to see a baby and a heartbeat - but I knew deep down things were not all right. We got called back into the office to meet with one of the midwifes. She told us that at 6 weeks the heartbeat should be a bit stronger. The embryo had a heartbeat but it was very weak. I would have to revisit the doctors office in one week. What a LOOOONG week that was. I wasn't feeling much in the symptoms department. Not too much nausea in general and I had sore breasts, but that was about it. Chris had to work during my next appointment and it is nearly impossible for him to take any time off with the type of job he does so I went to my appointment alone. I had a feeling I wouldn't be receiving great news and I didn't want anyone else to be there with me - I hate crying in front of others. After a couple of minutes into the ultrasound, the tech looked at me with a very sorrowful expression and said, "Dear, I am so sorry. There is no more heartbeat." She said she'd give me a minute to get dressed and to make a phone call or two then I would visit the midwife again. I put on my game face and told the technician, "Its okay. I'll be fine."...but then I made my first phone call. I called Chris at work and told him there was no heartbeat. Still to this day actually saying the words "there is no heartbeat" is what makes me break down. Hearing it out loud coming from my mouth makes it official. I called my mother, my father, my brother and texted some friends that knew. The support began flowing in and I was happy to know I had such loving friends and family that would support us through this ordeal.
Unfortunately, I had to return to work. I guess I thought I would be fine and I could handle it but minutes after returning to work, I broke down crying. My boss was out of the office at the time so I asked the operations specialist if I could go home. I had to tell her I WAS pregnant and that I had miscarried today and she was kind enough to understand and let me go home early. I spent the rest of the day crying in my bedroom, waiting for Chris to get home from work. It wasn't until I put on the news and saw Dr. Petit releasing a statement about his family that was brutally murdered that I stopped crying. I realized then, things could be worse. I could have spent 12 and 17 years with my child and then lost them. I thought about a client of ours that delivered a stillborn baby. I lost the baby at 7 weeks, it was still tough - but there were people out there that were suffering much worse than I was. It was then that I stopped crying.
A couple of days later I was sent for outpatient surgery in Hartford to get a D&C (dilate and curretage). **Thank you Michael for taking the time to drop me off there**The procedure would take approximately 45 minutes and would involve dilating my cervix and removing the lining of the uterus and its contents. It was there that I met Dr. Shaneyfelt. Ever since that surgery, I made her my primary and I have met with her a couple of times since. We feel very comfortable with my doctor which is something I believe we need at a time like this. After the surgery was complete (under anesthesia) I awoke from the surgery an hour later and went home with Chris. I laid down for the rest of the day and only felt minor cramping for a few short days later. Honestly, after the D&C is complete - for me - it is easier to cope with miscarriage. Up until then, the baby is still inside of you...still a part of you. that was difficult to deal with.
After an operation of this type, it is recommended that a couple wait until one complete menstrual cycle to begin trying to conceive again. The D&C occurred in November of 2010....after a month of waiting...we conceived in January of 2011...so begins the next story.....
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